The FI-BOCC Program © is a 16 hour program created for community agencies and independent facilitators whose emphasis is dedicated to positive life outcomes through the quality of the father-child relationship, and through understanding the significance of ‘father involvement’ as a protective condition for healthy child development. 

 

The FI-BOCC Program © curriculum is generated from general  research encompassing ‘father involvement’, as well as the material from The Virtues Project™.  The curriculum consists of six tools:

 

TOOL 1 – CHARACTER: THE ROOT OF SUCCESS

TOOL 2 – AUTHORITY IN THE SERVICE OF LEARNING

TOOL 3 – BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

TOOL 4 – DEEP & MEANINGFUL COMMUNICATION

TOOL 5 – THE H.E.A.R.T. OF BOUNDARIES

TOOL 6 – BUILDING CHARACTER THROUGH DISCIPLINE

 

Research shows that children benefit from both parents; therefore it is essential to assist fathers to realize this potential.  Fathers who exhibit the qualities of good character transmit their values by modeling the choices and actions that are essential to being a person of good character.  Making responsible choices is the most important impact of strong character, and therefore children need to be guided towards how to make these choices.  These choices are imperative in building self-esteem.  The curriculum views discipline as an opportunity to teach, not to punish; the goal of effective parental authority is to enable children to develop their own inner authority and a sense of personal responsibility.  Furthermore, The FI-BOCC Program © addresses the topic of communication and suggests that with deeper and more meaningful communication, fathers can help their children learn form their mistakes and take responsibility by allowing them to make decisions.  This allows fathers to act as a moral support, to be a good listener, to enable reflection and to offer enthusiastic encouragement.  The curriculum also addresses boundaries and asks participants to consider the structure of the boundaries of their family of origin, as well as the ones in their current family contexts.   

 

Program Description

 

Tool 1 – Character: The Root of Success     

 

 

Key Teaching Points:

 

•Building capacity and awareness for making moral choices is the most important effect of strong character.

 

•There are “Moral Choices” that children need to make across a broad range of personal and social issues. 

 

•Children need guidance to make choices that make a difference in their lives, and in the world around them. 

 

•Fathers who are role models and make responsible moral choices themselves will “teach” more than “preach” the impact of positive character in day-to-day life.

 

This session makes clear the overall importance of character, and the benefits of character development over the long-term. The particular role of a father’s individual character in the development of their child’s character, as well as the impact of a man’s own father on his own life, becomes evident to the fathers. Finally, committing to speak the language of character (kindness, respect, honesty, responsibility, adaptability, etc.) is encouraged and championed both in, and outside, of the program room. 

 

 

Tool 2 – Authority in the Service of Learning 

 

 

Key Teaching Points:

 

•How power and authority are misunderstood and misused in families today, and why fathers and mothers should have equal power and authority as they raise their children.

 

•How parents can use their influence in a respectful, compassionate way to best support their child’s healthy learning and development.

 

•How balanced and enabling power will aid character development versus unbalanced and demanding power, which may lead to fear and violence.

 

•Handling anger well is a necessary part of using authority appropriately, and understanding what creates the stress which leads to aggressive behaviors helps manage and change unhealthy behaviors. 

 

This session explores the importance of leadership in the home through the lens of 4 different leadership styles, and the various barriers that prevent effective leadership. The constructive effects of the use of respectful power, including positive modeling of anger management, is clarified and reinforced.

 

 

 

 

Tool 3 – Building Self-Esteem             

 

 

Key Teaching Points:

 

•Fathers have the power to build genuine confidence and self-esteem by acknowledging their

child’s efforts, challenges and achievements.

 

•A father helps his child take responsibility by doing a number of things including allowing his child to make decisions, being a moral support and offering genuine encouragement.

 

•Taking responsibility builds a child’s self-esteem because they see you believe they are worth listening to and as being trustworthy.

 

•Each child is unique. Fathers need to be encouraged to discover and draw out the unique abilities of their child. A child’s realistic developmental abilities are reflected in things like their age, talents & gifts, temperament, likes & dislikes, and of importance, is how we offer them opportunities to grow and develop.

 

This session focuses on the importance of the individuality of each child. Fathers discover the negative affects of labeling children. Finding and acknowledging their child’s strengths, giving their child increasing responsibilities, and gaining insight into developmental stages, coupled with being more realistic in the expectations they have of their child, are key outcomes. 

 

 

 

 

Tool 4 – Deeper & Meaningful Communication     

 

 

Key Teaching Points:

 

•Deeper and more meaningful communication means having conversations that are helpful for our children, conversations that make them feel respected and heard – not necessarily always understood!

 

•By working at allowing our children to feel free and safe to express themselves, we honor who they are and are teaching them to be considerate, patient and responsible when they listen to others.

 

•The conversations a father has with his children are an important part of the life journey. The best conversations often happen when there is no judgment and are not rushed – just a genuine desire to be with each other and to really hear one another.

 

•We can help our children to handle the negative labels they may hear by listening with care to their feelings about it, by letting them “empty their cups”, and then affirming their good qualities and the growing edge qualities that will help build their confidence, and reminding them that they deserve to be respected.

 

•Silence is a necessary part of companioning that a father needs to be comfortable with – it allows him to really be present and listen while allowing room for the child to focus on their thoughts and feelings.

 

This session focuses on the process of companioning, and the deep listening that makes this work. Sources of interference and communication as being a “2-way street” is explored and practiced. An essential outcome is to increase a fathers ability to communicate in ways that develops a child’s ability to relate well with others.

 

 

 

 

Tool 5 – The H.E.A.R.T. of Boundaries     

 

 

Key Teaching Points:

 

•To respect people’s individual needs and rights, children and adults.

 

•There are physical, emotional and intellectual boundaries. Honoring them allows for safety in relationships.

 

•Boundaries define the ground rules for behavior – what is expected of me and what I expect of you, and how I want to be treated and how you want to be treated. 

 

•Every family has boundaries and they exist along a continuum from being non-existent to loose and free-flowing to restrictive; from healthy to unhealthy.

 

•It is very important for us to consider the nature and structure of the boundaries in our family of origin, and in the present with the family we are creating.

 

This session explores and clarifies the purpose and importance of establishing and maintaining boundaries for personal and emotional safety. Fathers are provided with a tool The H.E.A.R.T. of Boundaries (Honor, Empathy, Assertiveness, Respect, Trust) to assist in creating and maintaining healthy boundaries, and to enable the establishing of appropriate ground rules for the family. Learning about appropriate consequences to bring to bear when boundaries are violated or disrespected are explored and considered.

 

 

 

 

Tool 6 – Building Character Through Discipline          

 

 

Key Teaching Points:

 

•Every experience provides us with an opportunity to learn something.

 

•Both good and bad times provide teachable moments that can open us up to new understanding about ourselves, others and the world around us. 

 

•It is important that we help our children learn from experiences they have, and to be willing and comfortable sharing key learnings from our experiences as adults that will enrich their understanding of life.

 

•Appropriate and respectful uses of discipline creates great opportunities to teach our children about good character, and grows them as a person.

 

•By focusing on the idea of building character through discipline, children will be more likely to see their mistakes and indiscretions as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than experience shame, fear and loss of self-esteem.

 

This session builds awareness and capacity to define and engage with teachable moments in the development of character with children. A key learning in the session is to reinforce the importance of using parental authority in the interest of a child’s positive learning and development. The ultimate goal of discipline is to teach a child how to be self-disciplined. The merits of proactive and affirmative discipline is made clear versus punitive, distorted, harmful applications of discipline.